Prioritizing Reconciliation

The Key to Church Growth and Living Like Our Heavenly Father

God desires reconciliation amongst his children more than he desires “right worship,” or proper sacrifices. This was confirmed when Jesus said, “if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to them, and then come and offer your gift” (‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ).

I assume you know how weird this behavior would be. The presentation of a gift at the altar is tantamount to a well-practiced religious event. It is heavily ritualistic; things are to be done in a certain way and for good reason. Yet Jesus says, “if while you’re engaging in this ritual you remember somebody has something against you, disrupt it by leaving to pursue reconciliation first, even if it means everyone else involved in the ritual must wait, then you can return.”

I was reminded of this passage while thinking of the obstacles to church growth. We certainly want to have worship services that create space for people to meet God. We want to have the kind of atmosphere that helps people grow and become more Christlike, yet we do not prioritize reconciliation as Jesus commands us.

Hang around many churches long enough and you’ll know this to be the case. As I sit in board meetings, learn about the churches history, interact with volunteers and, yes, search within my own life, I find the seeds of bitterness and resentment lingering, taking root, or even thriving. This seed is watered by triangulation, passive aggression, and a desire to solve problems by attacking and withdrawing rather than drawing close to one another.

How can the church grow with these present in the environment? A church may have the best music, best formation groups, best preaching and teaching, but if reconciliation is not prioritized in order to uproot bitterness, such a church will only be known for having those things, and not for the life change that happens through their engagement.

This is because holding on to bitterness within relationships is like salting a field while at the same time planting seed. The salt will ruin any attempts at growth by greedily taking all that might nourish, leaving ruin in its wake, and those trying to work towards growth will only end up working against their own interests. This is why peace making and reconciliation are absolutely necessary. For they have the power to leech the salt of its strength, and make room for growth to once again happen.

And yet that — reconciliation — is hard work. As a pastor I confess listening to gossip without acting in the manner of my savior and his disciples by encouraging the person to go and make peace (Matthew 5:23-24; Philippians 4:2). The reason for this is because it is uncomfortable. For when a person comes to you in this way, they do so with a certain trust that they will be heard, even if for unjust reasons. They want to commiserate, perhaps bring you into their inner circle, not be given an assignment.

All of that notwithstanding, the savior calls all of us, not only pastors, to listen to them carefully, even acknowledging their pain if necessary, all the while urging them towards reconciliation and peace. The apostle Paul said, “Let us therefore pursue the things which make for peace” (Romans 14:19). And Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God” (Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭9‬). This means when we prioritize peace and reconciliation, we are acting like our Father in the Heavens.

So watch out for resentment, bitterness, or any of their relatives. Regard them as opportunities to cultivate the ground in which God is try to bring growth and, instead of sowing into them, uproot them by urging all involved in the way of peace. By doing so you will be resembling the likeness of your Father who famously made peace with humanity, through Jesus Christ, even while we were his enemies (Romans 5:10). It may be uncomfortable, but remember that the things that lead to growth are, at first, uncomfortable. Besides, as Pope Benedict XVI said, “The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.”